Brief Biographical Sketch:

The following brief biography was written by DiBella over four years ago and was slightly edited by him over four minutes ago. It is therefore an entirely inaccurate representation of him.

Nicholas DiBella (1988 -- ), born almost seventeen years ago at the age of eleven, has for the past three decades been a source of inspiration to all aspiring axiomatic-theoretic-bassoonical physicists. Spending the first seven years of his life on Long Island, New York, he had, by the age of three, already developed an unhealthily strong affinity for numbers –- especially those with no prime factors. Indeed, as the popular legend goes, he proposed marriage to the number 2 when he was, ironically, 2 years old. Unfortunately for the courageous DiBella, 2 would not accept the offer. Even worse, she provided no reason as to why not but instead left him, to move onto bigger and better things. (As is well known, 2 would later turn out a hugely successful star in the Prime World, becoming the first -- and, still, to this day -- only even prime number.)

The next year, on his fifth birthday, DiBella received his very first portable personal electronic calculating device, or portable personal electronic calculator, for short. The device was capable of multiplying many-digit numbers together at an extraordinary speed. While this pleased DiBella, it also challenged him. "If only I could multiply that fast...," DiBella often thought. Alas, simply wishing would not lead him anywhere. As a sorry side-effect, DiBella came to the belief that he was “arithmetically inadequate.” Many were the nights, his mother would later recall, during which the young DiBella would cry over his inability to multiply five-digit numbers by five-digit numbers quickly. [Ed.: DiBella still cries quite often, although in modern times this is done mostly for recreational purposes.]

Now in the third grade, DiBella was as driven a mind as ever. During that fateful year, not only did he grow an extra 23 inches in height (averaging out to an impressive 24 millimeters per day), but he undertook several momentous endeavors -- endeavors which only giants would dare attempt. “Giant, Schmiant,” the fearless DiBella declared in Swedish, one of the 14 languages which he derived from Latin solely with pencil and paper. During winter vacation, for instance, while other children were out caroling about children who were much happier than they were, DiBella completed his collection of “Times Tables” -- a creation containing every paired multiplication of integers from 1 to 450. Reflecting on his prodigious masterpiece, the Mathematical Association of America has proclaimed it “perhaps the single greatest waste of paper in the history of mathematical constructions.” It was precisely this type of praise that led to DiBella’s entrance to the Guinness Book of Records under the title “Youngest Person to Achieve Cosmic-Scale Patheticity.”

Moving forward, one finds the Modern DiBella, which is to be distinguished from the Classical DiBella and the Neoclassical DiBella (DiBella 1846, Einstein 1905, & DiBella 2073). The Modern DiBella is unique in that it successfully applies relativistic quantum theory to gravitational theory, in purely song form –- similar to the Heads-Shoulders-Knees-and-Toes discovery that occurred in the early 20th century. Although the DiBellian breakthrough does not occur until April, 2026, it has not gone unnoticed among the scientific community, as has been evinced most recently by the MIT time travelers’ dance party last Saturday. The countdown begins now.

What can the world expect from DiBella in the years to come, aside from the revolution of 2027, the counter-revolution of 2028, and the counter-squared-revolution of 2029? Forgetting that the previous question was asked, it is impossible to insert a meaningful sentence into this space.

Past Classes